One December morning in 2018, I bought a cup of coffee at a cafe and sat down with my laptop. I had no plans to start a website in the lobby of the kids’ school that day, but something seemed to take over me.
I spent my entire 3 hours of “free time” setting up a basic site and publishing my first post. It was completely spontaneous and unplanned, but my fingers flew across the keyboard. By pickup time I had a website and no idea what to do with it.
Initially, the site was a creative outlet. A place to share what I was thinking.
But somehow “a blog about anything” felt self-indulgent and way too broad. I let Google send me down an entrepreneurial rabbit hole. Somewhere along the way, I got the message that sharing my pursuits for pleasure wasn’t enough. I needed to make it a business! Turn the blog into a source of passive income! Make a course! Do some affiliate marketing! Charge for digital downloads!
I read plenty of good advice from people who I am sure are quite successful about how to make a successful “offer”. Except I never felt motivated to actually complete any products because selling isn’t part of my purpose.
All I want to offer are my experiences and ideas.
I’ve realized that a sales focus kills my motivation to create, because it makes me feel so out of alignment with my purpose.
In trying so hard to “create something bigger” with this website, I blocked myself from making something meaningful to me.
Here’s why purpose matters:
I was talking with my daughter last week about what she wants to be when she grows up and this is what spilled out of my mouth:
“I’ve known since I was little that I am supposed to be a writer.”
As I said this to her, my eyes filled with tears. Because I knew at that moment that it was true. I have ignored this purpose that I’ve carried with me my entire life. This realization saddened me even more as I reflected on the conversation later.
All these years I have thought this part of what I am, a writer, isn’t enough. I thought it needed to be tied to something more tangible, like profit or outward success, to be a worthwhile pursuit.
But no. This is a lie.
God tried to put me on the right path so many times with opportunities that I dismissed or denied.
That professor that suggested I change my major to journalism (I didn’t). That writing course I almost signed up for (but talked myself out of). The invitation to a local writer’s group (who has the time?).
Eventually, it started looking more like closed doors and blocked paths. But I’ve stubbornly forged ahead. My logical mind is more reliable than a gut feeling, right?
I know now that this is ego, and I’m tired of fighting it.
Here is what I’m trying to say:
If you came here for organizing… you might still find it. Sometimes.
You might also find a short story, or something I learned from a new spiritual practice I’m exploring. You might find some information about my interior design projects or a party I’m planning with my sister.
I’m shifting gears again and referring back to my purpose.
I’m here because I want to live creatively and explore what it feels like to share my experiences in writing. For myself, mostly. And for you, if you find something that speaks to you.
If you’ve been following along with me for awhile, I just wanted to let you know.
Thanks for being here,